Freedom Sucks!by Teri Jo Wheeler on 07/09/15
Ha! A couple years ago I wrote a blog called ‘Freedom Rocks’
In this moment I’m struggling to find gravity and grounding
in all the freedom I have so effectively created for myself.
I don’t work a regular 8-5 job anymore
I’m not married (except to myself ;)
I don’t have any kids (except my inner child)
I do not own a home or any property
I don’t have a dog, a cat or a fish
Heck, I don’t even own a plant.
We all know the beautiful blessings these experiences can bring - a sense of safety, security, belonging, love, value and purpose.
And, some part of me (my soul) knew that this time around I had to create a life free from identifications and attachments. For as much as these things can bring reward, stability and foster growth, they can also become our greatest burdens, restrictions, and potential breeding grounds for the ego’s fears, insecurities, greed and entrapment games… if we are not careful.
In many ways, I have created an unfettered life - out of the system and ‘off the grid’ as some folks say. It is a life that I quite enjoy. A heartfelt, 'high-involvement, low-attachment' life.
I nanny part time. Coach a few clients. Volunteer for some stuff. Take classes. Write and share supportive resources and messages. Facilitate workshops. Hold monthly events and put on an epic Teen Self-Discovery event once a year… so far.
My social life consists of 1-2 weekly coffee dates with various friends; Walks to Greenlake, the local yoga studio or a grocery store; And a trip to church or something spiritual about once a week. Occasionally, I watch a movie. It’s pretty simple.
I stay up late. I’ve always been a night owl. I wake up without an alarm and usually don't require much sleep. I set my work hours, which are excessively long and include weekends. I get few breaks, rare vacations, no benefits, and very little pay. Financially, I am in survival mode much of the time. This part kind of sucks… okay, it really sucks… for now.
That said, I have no doubt that I am on the right path.
Surely there is something to be said about having the safe and secure parameters of home, family, career, and steady paycheck. And, sometimes I am sad about what I have sacrificed for “the vision.” I am not saying this for a pity party, I know it was my choice… on some level.
And, I also know I didn't REALLY have another choice. I have been fueled by a vision 'to leave the world a better place than I found it' for much of my life. This vision relates to children and teens, families and systems, connection and communication, love and belonging, a sense of safety and security, and a feeling of HOME. Ironically, much of what I could not have for myself this lifetime is what I help create for others. There is a bitter-sweetness to this. And, I know it's what my Soul signed up for this time around.
I am armed with a heart full of grace, endless ideas and SOULutions, inspirational tips, tales and tools galore… and very little to show for it in the material realm.
Most of the time I am happy. And, always... I am true.
I am highly enthusiastic, responsible and committed. And, right now, I’m feeling overwhelmed with too many ideas and choices related to the vision.
Much is happening fast with more on the way. I can feel it. And, truth be told, I am a bit (maybe a lot) scared. I'm not sure how things will unfold, what I can let go of and how… and how to get to any of the next steps. This makes me feel quite uncomfortable. It's sometimes much easier when someone tells you what to do and how to do it.
Thankfully, with this ever-expanding freedom, my Soul is right here with me expanding too.
The only prayer that seems to be left now is "Make Me Ready"and I say it everyday :)